Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman.
-- Kathy Lette
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I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
-- Bob Hope
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When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
-- Gracie Allen
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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
-- George Burns (Just you and me Kid, 1979)
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As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
-- Sir Norman Wisdom
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Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late.
-- Mike Tyson
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I'm affectionately known by Elton John as either Sylvia Disc or the Bionic Christian.
-- Sir Cliff Richard
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You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
-- John Mendoza
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As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.
-- Carrie Fisher
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As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.
-- Robert Quillen
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People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about the state of your body.
-- Geoffrey Parfitt
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There is absolutely nothing to be said in favour of growing old. There ought to be leglislation against it.
-- Patrick Moore
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
-- Lucille Ball (Uncommon Scold, 1989, by A. Adams)
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Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
-- Don Marquis (O Rare Don Marquis, 1962, by E Anthony)
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I'm back... and you knew I was coming. On my way here I passed a cinema with the sign 'The Mummy Returns'.
-- Margaret Thatcher (on campaigning for Conservative William Hague, May 2001)
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Whenever the talk turns to age, I say I am 49 plus VAT.
-- Lionel Blair (The Mail on Sunday, June 1999)
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
-- George Burns
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Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five.
-- Max Frisch
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A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas'.
-- Claude D. Pepper
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Everybody wants to live forever, but nobody wants to grow old.
-- Jonathan Swift 
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One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
-- Oscar Wilde
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To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
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Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
-- George Burns
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By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
-- George Burns
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
-- George Burns
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Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
-- Jack Benny
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The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
-- Bill Cosby
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When you become senile, you won't know it.
-- Bill Cosby
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You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
-- Bob Hope
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Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
-- Mark Twain
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Women are not forgiven for aging. Robert Redford's lines of distinction are my old-age wrinkles.
-- Jane Fonda
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Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.
-- Mary Schmich
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It takes a long time to become young.
-- Pablo Picasso
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Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
-- Sam Ewing
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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
-- Bob Hope
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How young can you die of old age?
-- Steven Wright
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First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.
-- Leo Rosenberg
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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
-- Agatha Christie
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All diseases run into one, old age.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
-- Mark Twain
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Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
-- Jim Fiebig
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After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.
-- Bette Midler
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Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better.
-- Unknown
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Youth has no age.
-- Pablo Picasso
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Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.
-- Proverb
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Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.
-- Jeanne Moreau
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
-- Albert Einstein
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
-- Robert Frost
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When our memories outweigh our dreams, we have grown old.
-- Bill Clinton
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